Man Leaves Wife After Years of Belittlement Over Not Being 'Manly Enough,' She Changes Her Tune After Seeing Him Happier and More Relaxed Without Her

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Dec 20, 2024 10:00 PM EST

Welcome, tea-spillin' sisters. How do you define manliness? Your answer will likely be incredibly different depending on your age, your culture, where you live, and personal preferences. Still, to most Westerners, the word conjures mental images of beards, beer, muscles, meat, stability, sports cars and trucks, chivalry, and physical strength. While all of these things are well and good and manly, true masculinity really comes when a man is able to embrace his femininity. There is no less manly man than one who refuses to bake or do his daughter's hair because his ego is too fragile.

In our story today, our protagonist is belittled by his wife over the course of years for his interest in "girly" things. Even though he has a teenage daughter that he wants to relate to, she criticizes his enjoyment of pop singers and baking. Fed up with the constant badgering over his "lack of masculinity," he leaves his wife and is better off for it. Get all the details by scrolling down!

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  • 01
    In September, I left her. I said I can't be spoken to like this anymore and be belittled. It's not fair. Even then she had a dig and said that "a real man" would change.
    via Khosro
  • 02
    r/relationship_advice u/throwra_manly • 15h I (42m) left my wife (42f) after she kept making comments about me not being manly enough and not sure I did the right thing?
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 03
    We'd been together since we were 18. She was my first everything where as she'd been with a few people before me. We have an 18 year old daughter together who is and amazing brilliant and kind person, I couldn't have asked for a better kid.
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 04
    The last few years my wife has been making the odd comment about my manliness etc and I've just brushed it off but she's really stepped it up the last year and I ended up leaving her about three months ago over it.
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 05
    I like to bake I like to cook I don't drink, I don't care if other people do it's just not for me
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 06
    I like Taylor Swift, Charlie XCX, Arianna Grande, Sabrina Carpenter etc. my main choice in music will always be rap but having a teenager daughter these sort of artists get played and I like some of their songs so I listen to them. I don't see that as a bad thing
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 07
    I have a powerful car and a motorbike but my preferred method of transport is a VW Up. It's a small car with a little engine but if it's just me and my gym bag or work bag I don't see the problem plus I'm not one of them who feels like a car someone drives means anything. My ex wife disagreed and said I give off a certain vibe in it.
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 08
    I don't want this to sound like a humble brag but I do think I'm quite "manly" while also just being a normal person. I'm tall, workout a few times a week, I can do any DIY around the house, I can fix cars, i used to be an amateur boxer and cage fighter and still do it as a hobby to keep fit. The things she said that aren't manly about me are:
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 09
    I tend to walk away from arguments with strangers. She perceives any slight as personal insult. If you cut in front of her in traffic she's leaning on the horn, don't say thank you if you hold a door open, she's screaming and shouting at you. I just prefer to let things slide. An example is someone was being obnoxious to me on a night out for no reason. He was in my face calling me all sorts of names and
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 10
    even pushed me a couple of times. I just smiled at him and walked away saying I hope he gets home. safely. When we got home she said I embarrassed her in front of her friends by letting him talk to me like that. I said what's the point of me knocking out a dronk kid who's half my size. She said I'm a doormat for the world.
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 11
    There's a few other things mainly connected to stuff me and my daughter have in common around stupid social media videos. She said it's like living with two teenage girls
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 12
    In September I left her. I said I can't be spoken to like this anymore and be belittled. It's not fair. Even then she had a dig and said a real man would change. She's changed her tune since and said she's willing to go to therapy both individual and couples and try and sort out her issues.
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 13
    I don't know if the cuts from things she's said are too deep though? Since I've left I've felt more relaxed and happier. I don't have to worry when I put a song on or want to bake a cake or cook something a bit different what would be said etc. At the same time though it's scary as she's all I've known and being alone and meeting new people scare the life out of me as I've never done that before.
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 14
    Everything is telling me I'm on the right path now but I have a niggling doubt in my head that all those words she spoke about me are true and I am an annoying person that will be alone forever.
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 15
    TLDR: I left my wife for constantly questioning my manliness and now I'm scared of the future. Edit: sorry to everyone I didn't get a chance to reply to. Thank you all so much for all the love. I'm genuinely humbled. ها ↑ 3,088 1,056 D D
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 16
    tntdon 15h • Double down and commit to leaving. You're happy and you don't have young kids to worry about. Your soon to be ex should've corrected when you communicated how you felt. 2.4k
    via u/tntdon
  • 17
    throwra_manly OP. 15h You are right Д 793
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 18
    Lil_Big_Sis5.15h Do you know how many women would love to have a man who can fix things around the house, work on their cars, keeps himself in shape AND loves to cook and bake?? All of that and she's mad because you aren't out there trying to fight every person who looks at you wrong?? She's insane lol. She definitely needs therapy to help her get rid of her toxic idea of masculinity, and you deserve somebody who appreciates the man you are. 5.7k
    via u/Lil_Big_Sis5
  • 19
    Feeling-Fab-U-Lus⚫ 14h You, sir are a unicorn. Forever sought after, but rarely seen. You are the treasure at the end of the rainbow with all of your interests, talents, abilities, caring, and intelligence. If (and hopefully, when) you severe ties with her, take time to figure out what you want and deserve from a partner and a relationship. Take your time to find the real deal as you deserve someone equally well rounded. 1.9k B
    via u/Feeling-Fab-U-Lus
  • 20
    Mueryk • 15h You literally said you are happier and more relaxed alone than when you were with her. Okay, so say you end up alone. Still an improvement over what you had. Don't stay with her for your kid or because it's what's familiar, only do it if you truly want to be there.
    via u/Mueryk
  • 21
    And if you DO that, then set hard boundaries that aren't negotiable and broadcast that prior to even trying counseling with her. Because she was belittling you and you deserve better than that. Maybe she can get there, but you and only you can decide if she is worth that effort and risk to you. ... 1.2k
    via u/Mueryk
  • 22
    throwra_manly OP.15h You are right. I know I'm on the right path and it feels better knowing others agree. ... 583
    via u/throwra_manly
  • 23
    Priapism911 15h Op, what she doesn't understand, it takes a man to be able to walk away and laugh off insults. It's pretty easy to fight. Don't take her back. I feel bad for your daughter, her lack of being raised by a good woman. I guess she was good at some point and just rotted away. Did she get any new friends that might have been whispering in her ear? Maybe seeing some dude whispering in her ear? 417
    via u/Priapism911
  • 24
    T nt-Taster • 15h She said you were a door mat for the world because you let a stranger talk to you like that and you didn't do anything. Well, she was treating you like a door mat and you did something about it. Shouldn't she be proud? 138
    via u/T *nt-Taster
  • 25
    throwra manly OP. 15h That's exactly what I said. Without bigging myself up that guy who was causing me trouble would have been little effort for me to hurt but what's the point. My ego and pride aren't that shallow that I feel the need to prove myself against someone who poses no danger to me. It's been the last 5-10 years and I don't want to blame social media but it's definitely been since she started consuming more Instagram and TikTok. Q 255
    via u/throwra_manly

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